How To Be The Best Version Of Yourself

Reblogging this because I think a lot of people would benefit from it. Very well thought out, and I enjoyed reading this.

Thought Catalog

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Wear clothes that actually fit your body and make you feel good. Don’t buy the t-shirt you feel sort of fat in because guess what? You will always feel sort of fat in it! Furthermore, don’t buy an item of clothing that’s too tight as motivation to lose weight. You won’t do it and the item of clothing will just sit there, taunting you and your body.

Spend less time hate-reading things on the Internet and more time reading things that will enrich your brain. Reread your favorite novel or essay and try to glean something new from it. Read something that will motivate you to create something, that will motivate you to be somewhere different than where you are. When in doubt, just listen to a particularly inspiring podcast of This American Life. That usually gets the job done.

Surround yourself with people who make you want…

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There’s No Painless Way To Kill Yourself

A very, well written article. I hope you will give it a read.

Thought Catalog

I gave my 11 year old daughter important advice the other day: there’s no painless way to kill yourself.

“What about with a gun?” she said.

I told her about a friend of mine who shot himself in the mouth. He put the gun in his mouth and pointed upwards towards the brain.

He missed.

He shot off half his face, he went blind in one eye, and he is now in a wheelchair.

If you type in “I Want to Die” into Google, my website is the first result.

My first business I sold for $15 million. We built websites for entertainment companies. Bad Boy Records, Miramax, Time Warner, HBO, Sony, Disney, Loud Records, Interscope, on and on. Oh, and Con Edison.

Mobb Deep would hang out in my office. Trent Reznor from Nine Inch Nails would stop by. RZA from the Wu-Tang Clan would want to play chess…

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Clue #2: These Words Are Your Voice.

If you are an avid reader of my other blogs, you know that I struggle with Bipolar Disorder, and a light case of Psychosis.

I take medicine every day for these, and generally, they work out.  My moods are better, and I don’t have delusions or thoughts harming myself or anything….

…that is, until this morning.

I sat on a bench downtown, and I posted on two social media sites 10-12 years.  I also said I’d say what I meant by that in my next entry.

Well, in this time span, and in my mind at that point, I made a promise that, I would be where I would want to be by the time I am in my 40’s.  There is a consequence though, a very harsh penalty should I fail to do this.  And, then, I went and wrote out a plan, not for me figuring out where I want to be, but for what I would do if I failed. 

I learned about Thursday of last week, what I want to do with my life.  I want to write.  I want to take these words of mine, and perhaps touch the lives of others who struggle like I do on a daily basis.  I want to be able to cut through the noise in their heads with the words that I write.  I don’t know if I should write about mental health, general life, or what, but, I can feel like this is the best gift I can give to enhance the world that we live in.

And, knowing this, Saturday night, it hit me, this can be something that I can severely fail in.  And with that thought, combined with my seemingly fragile mental state, I don’t know if I will or not.  Time will tell if I will be okay at writing, since, I don’t even know what I want to write about. 

Right now, I can only work on surpressing the noise in my head.  I have to stay positive, and objective.  If I get too negative, I can honestly say that this time, I could be in danger, in more ways than one.  I will do everything I can though, to make my words…no, my voice heard.

Clue #1: Courage.

This is a song that I stumbled upon listening to the American Top 40 today.  It’s lyrics mirror the feelings that I share during this weekend’s happenings.

I did many corageous things.  I kissed five girls by asking them three questions.  I stood at the brink of one event severely crippling the social status that I built over the years.  I drank like I was 23 again.  I danced knowing that my foot was killing me.  There’s many other things that I did.

However, I sit here today, reflecting on everything that happened to me this weekend.  The weekend is bittersweet and has left me with a bad taste in my mouth.  I learned to turn fear into strength, but it was a reminder to me to slow down.  I did all of that stuff, and deep down I felt empty.  Perhaps it’s because I’m still in a big turning point in my life.

But, the clue of courage, is something that I picked up this weekend.  Courage, is something that I have lacked for all of my life.  I’m always safe, and backing away from the moment.  If I’m going to really acheive the amazing thing I really want to do, I have to be brave.  I have to face whatever that is head on.  No matter what I feel like that is, I will stand firm from here on in.