If you are an avid reader of my other blogs, you know that I struggle with Bipolar Disorder, and a light case of Psychosis.
I take medicine every day for these, and generally, they work out. My moods are better, and I don’t have delusions or thoughts harming myself or anything….
…that is, until this morning.
I sat on a bench downtown, and I posted on two social media sites 10-12 years. I also said I’d say what I meant by that in my next entry.
Well, in this time span, and in my mind at that point, I made a promise that, I would be where I would want to be by the time I am in my 40’s. There is a consequence though, a very harsh penalty should I fail to do this. And, then, I went and wrote out a plan, not for me figuring out where I want to be, but for what I would do if I failed.
I learned about Thursday of last week, what I want to do with my life. I want to write. I want to take these words of mine, and perhaps touch the lives of others who struggle like I do on a daily basis. I want to be able to cut through the noise in their heads with the words that I write. I don’t know if I should write about mental health, general life, or what, but, I can feel like this is the best gift I can give to enhance the world that we live in.
And, knowing this, Saturday night, it hit me, this can be something that I can severely fail in. And with that thought, combined with my seemingly fragile mental state, I don’t know if I will or not. Time will tell if I will be okay at writing, since, I don’t even know what I want to write about.
Right now, I can only work on surpressing the noise in my head. I have to stay positive, and objective. If I get too negative, I can honestly say that this time, I could be in danger, in more ways than one. I will do everything I can though, to make my words…no, my voice heard.