Clue #2: These Words Are Your Voice.

If you are an avid reader of my other blogs, you know that I struggle with Bipolar Disorder, and a light case of Psychosis.

I take medicine every day for these, and generally, they work out.  My moods are better, and I don’t have delusions or thoughts harming myself or anything….

…that is, until this morning.

I sat on a bench downtown, and I posted on two social media sites 10-12 years.  I also said I’d say what I meant by that in my next entry.

Well, in this time span, and in my mind at that point, I made a promise that, I would be where I would want to be by the time I am in my 40’s.  There is a consequence though, a very harsh penalty should I fail to do this.  And, then, I went and wrote out a plan, not for me figuring out where I want to be, but for what I would do if I failed. 

I learned about Thursday of last week, what I want to do with my life.  I want to write.  I want to take these words of mine, and perhaps touch the lives of others who struggle like I do on a daily basis.  I want to be able to cut through the noise in their heads with the words that I write.  I don’t know if I should write about mental health, general life, or what, but, I can feel like this is the best gift I can give to enhance the world that we live in.

And, knowing this, Saturday night, it hit me, this can be something that I can severely fail in.  And with that thought, combined with my seemingly fragile mental state, I don’t know if I will or not.  Time will tell if I will be okay at writing, since, I don’t even know what I want to write about. 

Right now, I can only work on surpressing the noise in my head.  I have to stay positive, and objective.  If I get too negative, I can honestly say that this time, I could be in danger, in more ways than one.  I will do everything I can though, to make my words…no, my voice heard.

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