The changes that have to come. (Happy One Year Post!)

As I promised, I finally am ready to write this.

I was hired by my psychiatrist’s office 4 weeks ago to train to become a Certified Peer Specialist.  I was kind of shocked at the whole process.  I had just come off of the biggest breakthrough of my recovery thus far, and I just mentioned this to my mentor about it.  He then talked to the head person in my clinic, and the rest is history.

Because this all happened so fast, I’ve had to adjust a lot of things on the fly.  While I have been doing well, I know that there are more things to adjust, and more things to manage, and deal with.  Maybe my intelligence will carry me a long way, and I can keep my composure very well, as I improve in using the skills that I’ve learned from my counseling and reading myself.  The thing about it is, is that one of my triggers is getting overwhelmed.  Depending on my cycles, I know that keeping a good, balanced schedule will be key moving forward.

Well, since I’ve been “volunteering” at the peer center I’m at (the paperwork hasn’t been processed yet for me to get on this payroll), I’ve been asked to go to a big dinner with all of Georgia’s big names in mental health.  There are also some politicians that will be there, as well as probably every mayoral candidate in the city of Augusta (we have a big race coming up in November).  I’m pretty excited about the opportunity to hob nob with higher ups in Augusta.  It’s even a bonus that they are in my field that I want to excel in.  Thinking about the opportunity, and then talking to my mentor today really put something into perspective.

I’m no longer just a patient anymore.  Well, maybe I still am, and will always be to some degree.  However, I now also have patients, colleagues, and a boss to answer to.  I’ll have to set an example for not only this psychiatrist’s office, but also the ones that are struggling worse than I am with their illnesses.  Therefore, a lot of changes have to come in my social life.

The first change, is that I am going to completely stop dancing altogether in the terms of bars.  The one thing that has made my name in the nightlife scene, I’m going to walk away from.  Also, I will have to take a harder, and more discerning look at who I hang out with currently.  I know that I have made great strides in this, and I know that I must have the positive people in my life.  Those who love to dream, and those who are consistently trying to improve themselves or their lives.  I can’t waste time on those who want to wait for the weekend and party all of the time.  Sure, that is nice to do a bit if you are doing this responsibly.  The fact of it is, is that many people do not.  I cannot tolerate that anymore.  I will still go out frequently, however, I know that I have to be more aware of my surroundings, and be sure to do nothing that will sully the names of the people who have giving me a new chance at life.

At the same time, I want to seriously make a dent into the fighting game community.  I feel like that in today’s circles, a lot of the people who you see in streams are really not for trying to make the community better as a whole when it comes to American game play.  I’d like to try to travel a bit more and compete in some tournaments in the future.  I feel like that right now, with my newly acquired coping skills, I can make a bit of a splash in the community, and leave it as good as I can make it.  As a matter of fact, I am even putting on a huge training session in May where people from two other states are coming to play each other.  To learn strategies, share experiences, and to just have fun at a great hobby.

I know that in everyday life, it will be absolutely difficult to implement and make the right moves every time.  This line of work is also going to be the most difficult one I’ve every faced.  Everyday, it is like I’m looking at a mirror image of myself now six years ago.  The patients here have different illnesses than I do, yes.  They all share one thing that I know all too well, as well as the other staff, and some of my bosses:  They are all have broken in some sort of way.  The only thing I can think to do is to do the best that I can.  I also think that with everything that is going on with me, it would be an injustice to them, and myself to keep things the way they are.  If I really want people to leave me looking at their life better than what it was before they met me, then I must embrace the changes, and keep growing.

Also, today it has been a year since I have written in this blog, and six years that I have been blogging in general!  Who would have thought that in six years of writing, I would find the tools, and the people who would lead me to find the revolution in my life that lead me to where I am today.  I want to do more than this, and perhaps it is amazing in and of itself that I am now in a position to do what I wanted to do with this blog in the first place.  Do you remember what that is?

To constantly do amazing things.

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The Ever Changing Phases Of The Moon.

There are moments in your life where you think about it, and everything is going in a blur.  These past two weeks were a great example of this very thing.

I’ve been saying that I’m in a very long period of transition in every portion of my life.  I’ve found a small glimmer of a dream, that perhaps one day will lead me to become a person that many people will know.  But, I think that in these past two weeks, and even beyond that, I actually forgot something.

I let myself be taken over by the speed of life.  I let myself, become very undisciplined, and very sloppy with everything.  I know, that this has happened and will happen again in the future quite possibly.  The consequence in this is that I started writing without clarity in my heart, and thus, the words that came out of me weren’t the greatest I felt like I could be.

I went back to re read the first few entries that I wrote two months ago.  I believe that I forgot what the original reason that I started this blog was.  It isn’t for the followers, the likes, or the comments(good or bad).  It’s for me, and for my one shot at doing something great, and then living the simple life afterwards. 

I admit, that I’m not the best person in the world.  I have my share of skeletons, as does anyone else.  I will say, that I am doing the best that I can.  I do fully realize, that I have a lot of work to do in bringing my life to an optimal place, and I am making the strides to do this very thing as we speak.

I know that one day however, I will have everything put together.  I’ll be able to grasp the dreams that I hold deep inside, and I will not forget those who are with me along the way.

I want to be the best human being I can be, and I want you to be that too.

Earlier this year, I made a New Year’s resolution.  That resolution was to learn every part of the gentlman’s codes of honor and chivalry.  Now, the thing is, being a gentleman is not exclusive to treating the fairer sex correctly all the time.  It also covers other areas such as fighting and ethical situations.

As I learned, I thought that it would lead me on the path to becoming an overall better person.  And, some of items I’ve learned have definitely contributed to me being how I am right now.

As the months have gone hotter, I keep walking around downtown(I like spending time outside a lot now), and I see a lot of people around.  Those downtown scene people, the panhandlers, the creepy guys that have homes, but just want to ask others for drinks.  I see all of them.  I wonder what they have been through, I wonder what their struggles are, and sometimes, I wonder what can I do to make their lives better.

I think, that somehow, we get lost in everything at times.  We forget that, we are all people, we are all human beings.  It kinda is irrelevant what or who we like, what color your skin is, what religion you practice, it all comes back to all of us being human in the end.  We make our mistakes, some small, while others are big, but most of the time, we are still standing.

I want to become a better human being.  I don’t want to say I’m no better than the person that is sitting out there hungry, or cold.  I don’t want to say I’m no worse than the person that has all the success and power in the world.

I just want to be the best version of me that I can be.  I think that, pursuing a career in writing, will unlock this.  I want my words to heal someone one day, to touch someone in a way that they can become a better human being.  Then, in turn, they can do something to make someone else better.

It’s now not about being a better man or woman for me.  I mean, we are all humans.  Let’s strive to be better humans, and make this world better with one little thing. 

This entry, is dedicated to this very thing.